QUESTION: I have often heard that living a gay lifestyle is like giving into alcoholism. What are your thoughts?
This question requires some definition of terms in order to be answered properly: In my experience, lifestyle is usually associated with something that an individual can choose. This then leads to the next question which underlies our discussion: Can we choose our sexuality? I have never heard anyone use the term "lifestyle" to describe a straight orientation, and I think there's a good reason for that. Our sexuality (that is, our physical and romantic attractions) is innate and not very fluid for the vast majority. It's not something we choose. In fact, many gay people who grow up in non-affirming environments go through a season of actively trying to change their sexuality by trying to live as a straight person.
What about alcoholism? Is that a lifestyle? Is it a choice? Since I have never been an alcoholic, I can only speak anecdotally from second hand experience. This much I can say with certainty though: Alcoholism is an addiction. In other words, a person is compelled to compulsively act. I believe addiction is a form of slavery that separates us from God. I say this as someone who walked my own addiction journey and am grateful to be on the other side. Furthermore, addictive and large amounts of alcohol consumption have the potential to harm our health, cloud our judgment, and lead us to make decisions which harm our well-being and the well-being of others. There is also evidence that an alcoholic can move to a life without alcohol, even to a change in desire.
In contrast, a gay person can choose to live a life of abstinence, but this does not make them straight. The experience of what is sexually and romantically attractive remains a fixed part of their experience, regardless of whether they are sexually active. They are amorously drawn to people of the same sex. The way they experience the world is not the result of falling into a habit or temptation. Comparing same-sex attraction to alcohol insinuates that this orientation is an addiction. If we did that, we would have to apply the same label to opposite-sex attractions. How would it sound to say that being straight was an addiction?
Furthermore, I would argue that for gay people to live out their sexuality actually is healthier for them as individuals and for society as a whole. In fact, it is actually better for their spiritual well-being. Gay people living out their sexuality in honor to the Lord allows integrated living instead of compartmentalized living. Compartmentalized living, or denying an innate part of your make-up is not a Pauline, "thorn-in-the-flesh" experience. It's a demoralizing and futile war waged against something that is just as unmalleable as bone structure or your brain's way of interpreting color. Additionally, gay people forming covenanted relationships with people they are romantically and sexually attracted to fulfills part of God's biblical calling for humanity to live in sacrificial relationships while also giving them an opportunity to learn about His love through a lifetime of commitment. These relationships do not cause harm to others and create another opportunity for a loving family to raise children.
My suspicion is that a strong reason why many people choose to use the word "lifestyle" when describing same-sex relationships is that the only representation they are familiar with is the stereotype of gay people sleeping around with lots of partners. The idea of a covenanted, committed gay relationship is not something they are exposed to. Subsequently, that stereotype informs our interpretation of scripture, sometimes leading us to adopt a sweeping negative moral opinion of all same-sex relationships. It's easy to wield scripture against something two-dimensional or distant, something where we can paint all people with the same conclusion. The truth is, I suspect that some people don't know more gay, covenanted partners because those relationships aren't welcome in religious communities, and those types of gay relationships not are not generally represented in the media. Ask yourself though: does the media celebrate straight, committed relationships any better? Yet, it's gay relationships that get the bad rap because of the image portrayed by the media. To confront this, we have to start getting to know real human beings.
I believe that gay sexuality is very different from alcoholism. It's not a chosen lifestyle, and it's not an addiction formed by repeated actions. Being gay is not a choice, but choosing a committed, covenanted, gay relationship is. This reflects the image of God and takes Him at His word when He calls us "fearfully and wonderfully made." That's worth celebrating!
With Love,
Little Light LED